So you want to be a samurai...

Fatass's fantasy job/ LARP char.
I think Bess might be the horse. 

As promised last night, here is the anticipated blog post about Fatass's incomprehensible desire to be a samurai warrior or something. I have no idea where he conceived this idea, but it was likely the result of an anime and alcohol binge and he must have thought that his drunk idea was a good'n.

Let my punch holes into Fatass's hopes and dreams right from the get-go. Samurai were the warrior nobles of pre-industrial Japan. Not only has that ship sailed YEARS ago, but he's... well... he sure ain't noble.

Another problem here - samurai also are heavily influenced by Buddhism and Zen, which promote non-violence and reincarnation, so it's kind of pointless to go making threats about taking someone's life, like Fatass does at least once a week. So that's basically what being a samurai is about and Fatass has the problem of not having any sort of crucial samurai characteristics.

All he's running on is delusions of grandeur. He decided this semester to get a tattoo on his arm of what he thinks is the Japanese symbol for "honor" or something. However, he has based that on a poster he bought for $6.99 at Wal-Mart. Yikes. And the tattoo is this microscopic little thing that makes it look like a small woodland creature took a dump on his arm. Who knows, maybe one did! Couldn't make him smell any worse!

I have never seen him in samurai garb (probably because he can't afford it) and I have never seen him try to establish a sense of inner peace required to be a true samurai (probably because he can't comprehend it). The "honor" tattoo goes to show the greatest problem in his miserable life - he's nothing but a tool.

Now he's getting a tattoo, yeah,

He's getting ink done.

He asks for a 13,

But they drew a 31.

Friends say he's trying to hard,

and he's not quite hip,

But in his own mind, he's the,

He's the dopest trip.

Video can be found below, because I'm awesome and know how to provide you links that let you flash back to years past: 

But hey, as the song suggests, everything he lacks, he makes up in denial. I shudder to think of his self-image. Perhaps he sees himself as this svelte samurai that's oh so honorable, but all I see is a smelly bitch that doesn't know aristocracy from his asshole.