More video game stupidity, and a little bit of K-Star

Fatass as Keeng of teh Gamez0rz!

So on top of all the other crap that has come to define my miserable existance while at school, Fatass has now begun to haunt even my most sacred of pasttimes - video game playing.

I'm sure I've brought this up before. Every time he does something poorly because his fat fingers can't mash the correct button, he says, "god fucking dammit". Every time. So whenever he fires up the video games, I'll hear this at least 40 to 50 times.

Not to mention that the game is usually some sort of stupid ass Dragonball Z game that he adores oh so much, because he legitimately believes he's a samurai. No, I'm not making this up. Yes, I will blog about this further in the near future. Yes, that is why I have become a ninja. Ninja always beats samurai. Why, you ask? Because I'm a ninja.

So in addition to the "god fucking dammits", and the retarded Dragonball Z crap, he also raises his voice to really obnoxiously loud levels where he's trying to sound like Jar Jar Binks. Now, I don't know if he's actually SEEN the Star Wars movies, but Jar Jar was the guy that everyone wanted to kill. Of course, he does all of this to try to impress Bitchface, who swoons over him like the turd she is. When Fatass gets worked up, she'll say it's just a game and try to do whatever. To quote good ol' Grandpa George, those two are "low-grade morons who ought to be locked into portable toilets and set on fire." Meh, at least it'd get publicity.

However, I realize that I can be a little crazy with video games, and here's where K-Star is particularly saintly. Sometimes, and this will come as a shock to you, I curse at my video games when I play poorly. K-Star's sweet virgin ears likely bleed profusely when this happens, but she deals with it anyway. Now, the difference between me and Fatass is that I vary my insults up.

While Fatass will say "god fucking dammit" about ten billion times, I prefer to go the more interesting route of saying "shit eating ballfucking whore of a manslut!" Sure it's a little verbose, but it definitely gets people's attention. And you vary it up! Next time, I might say "trampstamping teabagger with mismatched socks!" Makes no sense, K-Star is probably fainted, but my displeasure has been voiced.

Now we move to differences between K-Star and Bitchface. Bitchface fawns over Fatass while he plays his video games. She smiles and watches and probably rubs his shoulders while he plays, but I can't confirm or deny because I don't care enough about their meaningless existances. I swear to Christ, if I'm in the Matrix, the Architect has one hell of a vendetta against me.

Now, K-Star will tell me if I've gone too far. If I say something offensive or start making growling noises at the screen, she'll give me a weird look and say something like, "easy there, Pissy." She NEVER says it's just a game. The reason why is because of a mutual respect we have. She respects the fact that I know it's obviously just a game that I'm allowing to consume my soul for a brief time. I respect the fact that she's also a major part of my life and I don't want to drive her away by focusing attention on computer generated monsters. So if I cross the line, she tells me so, I roll my eyes because I'm very focused on my game, and I watch my insults. Simple enough.

But with the way Fatass and Bitchface interact during video games, it's like one of those wholly unnatural 1950s "good life" stereotypes, but replace the man sitting down smoking his pipe with a fat slob mashing buttons on a video game system. Keep the image of the wife looking up at dear husband, batting her eyelashes and absolutely thrilled at the prospect of flushing his shit down the toilet later that night. Bitchface makes me want to vomit.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to castrate some of the bitch-licking asshats that dominate the world of RPGs that don't have annoying Dragonball Z characters in it.