Oh hey, I'm a college student!

Fatass studying... or looking
at online porn. Disgusting.

So it appears that after a week of pushing his diseased meat into his girlfriend, Fatass has realized that he actually has to try in order to pass and graduate this year. So normally, you'd think that he'd go into a study lab or something so that he could have complete quiet. However, as you all know by now, he's a complete inconsiderate jackass that doesn't deserve to live, so Bitchface is over here quizzing him, which means I have to listen to both of them. Thank heavens for iTunes.

So yeah, they're both sitting on the bed, and after a few hours of not studying and watching cartoons at an obnoxious volume, I'm back from dinner and here they are. Maybe I should be just give them the giant fuck you and blare my music while he tries to study. Lord knows he deserves it.

I don't even know why he bothers to acknowledge me, because I don't have the time or the desire to talk to him. If I do, it's only an excuse for him to open his cakehole. So on the average day, he asks me, "How was your day?" Fine. As someone who's not a douchebag, I'm obliged to ask about his, but I attempt to do it in a way that indicates I clearly don't care. Every single day, he replies, "Not too too bad." I wish this would be all he says to me, but no. He feels the need to try to further converse. Last night was just plain old fucking goofy, because I was settling into bed after putting my laptop down on my desk, and he goes "Good morning." What? I just ignore it, thinking he's talking in his sleep. Then he goes, "I didn't wake you, did I?" What the fuck??????

Only two and a half weeks and then finals left, then I can finally dismiss him from my life.

Permanent. Deletion.

So that was cool... in 1996.

So now Fatass is sick. He comes in yesterday and is in a pissy mood and goes, "Hey... I might get you sick. Just wanted to give you the heads up." Yeah, no. I'm not getting sick just because of Fatass's weak immune system. Maybe if he wore a fucking shirt every once in a while, he wouldn't get sick. Seriously, if he'd just put his bitchtits away and stopped licking the shower floor, started using soap and shower shoes, he might actually stop "coughing up green phlegm", as he so kindly told me last night. I'm not touching my garbage can until he goes and dumps it. He's hocking loogies into it like he's getting paid for it. I may just throw up.

So instead of him going to classes at 8am, Fatass decided to camp in the room, fully awake, while I had to go shower and stuff. I enjoy Tuesdays and Thursdays becuase I can change into my towel in my room rather than doing it in the disgusting bathroom. But nope, today he decides he's got a little cold, so that means he's gotta let everything drop. He's not that sick. He's fully awake and watching TV at obnoxiously loud levels. I find that if I'm severely sick, I decide to sleep and, you know, TURN THE FUCKING VOLUME DOWN.

But nope, even when "sick", he's gotta be the biggest douchebag in the whole wide world. What a fuck. So while I was attempting to do my four page case study for CLASS, Fatass is laying in his bed with his god damn fucking shirt off, watching the movie Space Jam. You know, the one with Michael Jordan and all the Looney Tunes gang. So it wasn't even good TV that he was blaring.

Now, that movie was awesome back in 1996 when it first came out. It was revolutionary, featured awesome cameos (Newman...), and was an exciting movie for someone who was 12 years old. However, when we're in fucking college and I'm trying to DO A FUCKING CASE STUDY FOR A CLASS, that's just made of fuckwad.

So here's what I'm thinking. While he's trying to sleep at 9pm, I'm just gonna crank my TV on something obnoxious at a loud level. However, I'll plug my headphones into my computer so I don't have to listen to the Jonas Brothers on Disney Channel. I'll be listening to my iTunes while I can torment him with whatever the fuck they're doing. Hell, maybe Justin Beiber can make a cameo. The only time I'll catch Beiber fever is if it annoys the hell out of my roommate.

Besides, he slept from 9pm to 9am anyway. That's a good 12 hours of sleep right there. Bullshit, fuck you, you're not that sick.

Nahhh I don't need sleep

So Fatass seems to think that it's cool for him to turn on the TV in the morning at a normal volume, because hey, he's up so fuck everybody else!

I enjoy sleep. I enjoy sleeping until a half hour before my class, because it only takes me 15 minutes to get showered and another 5 to get dressed and be on my way to class. As for Fatass, he feels the need to wake up at 8am, wash himself off in the shower without soap or shower shoes, come back in and get changed.

Now, even when I'm asleep, I know what he's doing, so I turn to face the wall. I don't want the first thing I see in the morning to be his sweaty, hairy C cups. But then, as he's getting dressed and getting his books all set for class, he turns on the TV at a volume that would be normal for when people are, you know, acutally awake!

So I turn over and grumble. This has happened ever since we started rooming. Now, I'm used to the TV being on early in the morning. It was something set into my brain during family vacations. In the morning, dad would turn the TV onto CNN at a LOW VOLUME, and I would be vaguely aware of the morning's news. Hell, maybe that's why I check the New York Times website every morning after waking up. Anyway, the point is that it was a low volume and it was actually important things.

But with Fatass? He turns it on full volume and what does he watch? Spongebob Squarepants. I am not making this up. He turns it onto Nickelodeon and watches Spongebob. Look, Fatass. I know you like little girls and all, but watching shitty cartoons to be a child predator is something you can do in your alone time... or when you're with Bess or Bitchface. Okay? Okay.

Now, that's not to say I hate cartoons. K-Star is in a perpetual state of eye rolling when I say that I want to watch Futurama or some other cartoon. But hey, I take it in stride, and I respect K-Star enough to not watch it while she's trying to fucking sleep. You know why? Because I'm not a douchebag!

A little common goddamn courtesy goes a long way with me, and if you're starting the day off with shitty cartoons, I'm going to be miserable with you for a long time. Asshole.