"You'll only see me for a few seconds"

So on Friday, Fatass gave me some good news, but as you should always be wary of with this fat dickless fuck is the fact that there is always, always, ALWAYS a silver lining. For example, Friday he said, "Oh, you'll be able to enjoy the room all to yourself this entire weekend. You may see me for a few seconds, but that's it." Yeah, I've heard that one before.

So today, as I'm relaxing by playing a video game, guess what I hear? That's right, the familiar punches of the lock to my room. And who comes in? Not only Fatass, but Bess. Hey, there goes the few seconds! Fat fucking fuck. Remember how he was going to kill Bess if she was sick and contagious? Well, she's here now and she's coughing and sick. If she gets ME sick, I'm going to be really pissed off at both of them. Bess may be a confused little girl, but she doesn't put Fatass in line worth a damn, so fuck her too.

So I figure that maybe Fatass was just dropping off his books or something, but no way! He asks Bess what she wants to do. Obviously they want to fuck, but they won't say as much because apparently the cows that raised them taught them it's not polite to bring that up in conversation. Besides, you two mash hideous bodies every god damn weekend. It's been three fucking months since I've even TOUCHED K-Star, let alone massage her naughty parts.

So they're trying to get back at me for being in the room by turning on a shitty Vin Diesel movie while I'm trying to watch TV. What do I do? I turn up the TV louder. Says Fatass, "this isn't too loud for you, is it?" Nope, I'm just turning up the TV because I've developed sudden acute deafness.

So I've moved to my bed, and guess what I see? That's right, asscrack ahoy. He's got his shirt lifted up so that his belly is flopping against Bess's back (because hey, she might be into that), and he's rubbing her sides and making out with her and all this stupid shit, thinking that I'm just going to magically leave. Ah, it's apparently The Chronicles of Riddick, which ties into their love of shitty sci fi that everybody else hates. At least Judi Dench (M in the James Bond films) and the guy who voices over the Marines commercials is in it. That makes me laugh a little bit.

So, the point is that I'm not being sexiled this weekend. They had two fucking nights at Bess's grandma's house to fuck, so they're getting no action tonight.

Oh, did I mention that when they first got here, Fatass just left for five minutes to talk to someone, leaving Bess alone with the room with me? Hey, I'm not a fucking entertainer here, so I just sat there and played my game while she sat on his bed. I didn't say a word to her and I didn't even look at her. Eventually she left. Maybe she thinks I'm creepy, but fuck that bitch. I don't even care. Fuck them both in their necks.

So that was cool... in 1996.

So now Fatass is sick. He comes in yesterday and is in a pissy mood and goes, "Hey... I might get you sick. Just wanted to give you the heads up." Yeah, no. I'm not getting sick just because of Fatass's weak immune system. Maybe if he wore a fucking shirt every once in a while, he wouldn't get sick. Seriously, if he'd just put his bitchtits away and stopped licking the shower floor, started using soap and shower shoes, he might actually stop "coughing up green phlegm", as he so kindly told me last night. I'm not touching my garbage can until he goes and dumps it. He's hocking loogies into it like he's getting paid for it. I may just throw up.

So instead of him going to classes at 8am, Fatass decided to camp in the room, fully awake, while I had to go shower and stuff. I enjoy Tuesdays and Thursdays becuase I can change into my towel in my room rather than doing it in the disgusting bathroom. But nope, today he decides he's got a little cold, so that means he's gotta let everything drop. He's not that sick. He's fully awake and watching TV at obnoxiously loud levels. I find that if I'm severely sick, I decide to sleep and, you know, TURN THE FUCKING VOLUME DOWN.

But nope, even when "sick", he's gotta be the biggest douchebag in the whole wide world. What a fuck. So while I was attempting to do my four page case study for CLASS, Fatass is laying in his bed with his god damn fucking shirt off, watching the movie Space Jam. You know, the one with Michael Jordan and all the Looney Tunes gang. So it wasn't even good TV that he was blaring.

Now, that movie was awesome back in 1996 when it first came out. It was revolutionary, featured awesome cameos (Newman...), and was an exciting movie for someone who was 12 years old. However, when we're in fucking college and I'm trying to DO A FUCKING CASE STUDY FOR A CLASS, that's just made of fuckwad.

So here's what I'm thinking. While he's trying to sleep at 9pm, I'm just gonna crank my TV on something obnoxious at a loud level. However, I'll plug my headphones into my computer so I don't have to listen to the Jonas Brothers on Disney Channel. I'll be listening to my iTunes while I can torment him with whatever the fuck they're doing. Hell, maybe Justin Beiber can make a cameo. The only time I'll catch Beiber fever is if it annoys the hell out of my roommate.

Besides, he slept from 9pm to 9am anyway. That's a good 12 hours of sleep right there. Bullshit, fuck you, you're not that sick.

Must See TV?

So it's another Monday with Fatass. After being at Bess's grandma's house last night, likely porking Bess (but not grandma, since he only goes for lil ones), he ruins my life once more by not being dead. But in all seriousness, I'd be more pissed than sad if he dies, because then I'd have no more blog fodder. So we, as in me and all the readers, need to pray for his continued state of being alive. *sigh* I know it's tough for most of you (I know it is for me), but that's what we've gotta do.
Okay, so less talky, more ranty. I get it. I know what you come here for, and it's not my thought on fuscia wallpaper (love it *rolls eyes*).

So you may be wondering why I've got my mini little TV when there's a big TV in the room that belongs to Fatass. There are several reasons. The first is because I'm afraid that the filthy remote control has been down his pants. But there's also the teensy little fact that no matter what, he's always on the god damn TV no matter what the day. He's either watching some stupid show or playing PS2. Now, normally gaming is fine. I'm a big gamer. What's not okay is when he's playing the same damn game for hours upon hours upon hours, especially when it was in the roommate agreement that hey! Monday night at 9, I get to watch TV. That's important to me, but hey! He's Fatass! He can do whatever the fuck he wants.

And the worst part is that Bitchface just comes in whenever he's in here and just starts playing video games! What the fuck? I mean, if Fatass wants to play video games for all hours, I can't say shit because he's paying for the room too. But when Bitchface comes in and plays video games because she's sad that someone told her off, that is NOT OKAY.

I mean, for the love of fuck! Am I the only one that thinks that it's okay to actually, you know, SHARE a TV? All I want is some common goddamn courtesy. Yes, I've ranted about it before, but no, I don't expect it to get better. All I can hope is that I survive the semester.

But hey, what the fuck ever. I've got my little mini TV that has headphones on it. I can go into my own little world... until he starts talking to me while I'm trying to watch.

Did I wake you?

The sleeping Fatass. Picture is not of him, but damn close.

Okay, so fucking creepiness abounds. Fatass calls Bess's grandma every weekend to see if it's okay for him to come over and spend the night for weekends. Every time he calls, the first lines out of his trap are, "Hello, Alice! Did I wake you?" It's 5:28pm. And now he just hung up and is giving Bitchface a hug out in the hall. Bitchface is just kinda lurking out in the hall. She should have just stayed out there, but whatever. So tonight, it seems like I'll have the room to myself. Anyway, is it just me who finds it weird that he calls his girlfriend's grandma every weekend to see if he can come over? I mean, that just increases the pedo-factor to me. Maybe I've just been too used to his disgusting life.

So yeah, it didn't take long for me to get annoyed with Fatass. The second he walked into the room, he tried to talk to me with my headphones on AGAIN, and then told me it was cool to watch his TV. I mean, it's the lone nice gesture he's done for me since we started rooming in August, but I'm not about to touch his remote control. Besides, the whole reason why I brought my own TV was because he was constantly using it for his ever important video games.

And hey, there it is! Bitchtits are out in full force now! It actually took him 5 minutes because he had to let Bitchface into our room without my permission! So now he's going to shave apparently, so he's pulled his greasy ass hair back into a pony tail and is now going out to shave. Yep, so that means that Bitchface is leaning against his bed, watching my TV and just being creepy. Yeah, get the fuck out.

Yep, now she's talking to me. I do not have my headphones on, so I guess it's forgivable. I don't know why I'm nice and just say "uh-huh". I should really just tell her to get the fuck out of my room, but meh, I figure the blog is good enough.

So yeah, even when he fucking leaves the room, he does shit that annoys me. Why can't people be euthanized, again?

"Feeling like a freak on a leash"

Korn seems very apropros at the moment, because I have a bunch of rage pent up right now at Fatass. It was a generally good day today. Haven't seen him at all today, but have you ever had one of those feelings where your entire weekend gets ruined by one little thing? Yeah, that happened when he walked into the door. All of the nice relaxation that came about between last night and 10 minutes ago? All disappeared after he stepped his fat ass back into our room.

Big props go out to K-Star at this point. She heard that he came in the door and asked if he took his shirt off yet. She may have been a little off on the timing, but that was only because he was taking his boots off first.

So yeah, now my entire weekend is ruined, just from his fat hairy ass walking into the door. At this point, he's laying down on his bed, watching TV and munching on chips really loudly... and now he's trying to talk to me. Yup, still have headphones on. So this is really the trifecta of annoyance, and it only took him 10 minutes. He's laying down and his asscrack is hanging out, he's watching TV at a volume that's way too loud for respectful tastes, and now he's talking to me with my headphones on. To make matters worse, he doesn't know how to close his mouth when he chews his food, so I hear his lips smack in between asking me stupid shit that I'm not paying attention to. I believe he went to the Larry The Cable Guy Institute of Refined Tastes. I think he failed out after the first day.

On the plus side, it's 9:15pm, so he's probably going to be passing out soon. Still don't understand that. On the plus side, To Catch a Predator is on tonight, and I'm hoping to see his dreadful speckled mug on there. Unfortunately, there are no more new episodes, so I just have to hope that they do a random sting in his East Bumfuck hometown.

But tomorrow is the start of a new week. I'm sure I'm going to be even more pissed after a long day of school, so we'll just have to wait and see. Until then, I'm just in a holding pattern, waiting for the next retarded statement to come out of his mouth to further instigate my rage.

Gee, I wonder why your roommate hates you

So after a relatively quiet and relaxed day today, I was looking forward to some time alone. Fatass was actually offering to *leave* the room, which was fucking amazing. He decided to go visit Bitchface in her room. Good times. I was really pleased to hear this. But, since I'm blogging, you know it was too good to be true, right? Right.

They come back to my room an hour later because Bitchface is having issues with her roommate. Apparently, her roommate can't stand her, and rather than going to the RA or going someplace that's not my room, they come... wait for it... TO MY FUCKING ROOM.

So right now, there's a miserable annoying little bitch in my room playing video games... and Bitchface is here too. So mcuh for a nice quiet night. Now I have to listen to them button mash and fail at video games all night. Seriously, you've got no other ideas? If your roommate is being tough, do what I do - bitch about it! Don't storm out and come over to places you're not welcome (yeah, this has been every day since we've gotten back), and just deal with it. I deal with it through blogging and blowing snotrockets onto Fatass's bed. Bitchface, do the world a favor and find a coping mechanism or just die already. Please?

So not only that, but as I'm trying to blog this, Fatass is doing the annoying thing of trying to look over my shoulder at either the TV or the computer screen. Next time he looks over, I'm going to a weird fetish porn site. Think Clerks 2. Nah, he's a hillbilly fuck, so he might be into that. I'll have to think of something else... Hmm...

But the weirdest thing is that we have two TVs, mainly because of the fact that him or Bitchface are ALWAYS playing video games. So I finally took my 8" TV from home and a cable splitter. Problem solved. Only problem is that now he looks on at my screen. Did I mention that the 8" TV I own has a headphones jack that is always plugged in so I don't need to listen to his shit? Yeah, so he's just looking at the purty pictures that confuse him so very very much.

And then the fucking retarded part! He tries to talk to me while my headphones are plugged in. He thinks that even when it's clear that I'm typing or watching TV that I am listening or even care about what he's saying. Seriously, if I'm typing away, chances are I don't care at all about you. I probably discussed this yesterday, but I can't remember. If I already did, tough shit.

But, in a stroke of good news, I haven't had to see his asscrack all day. Thank God for little miracles.