Late Night Laundry Service



Dear Fatass,

If I were to ever be a vampire, I would
NOT SPARKLE. I'd be the OG here.
That's right Grandpa Munster.

 Fatass still has not gotten the clue that I do not like talking to him, looking at him, or being in the same room as him. His awkward attempt at conversation went a little something like this. Mind you, the sun was setting and I was wrapped up in a paper, so I hadn't bothered to turn the light on yet. Fatass enters the room, and we have this conversation.

Fatass: "I've got a question for you..."

Me: "Okay..."

Fatass: "Are you a vampire?"

Me: "Huh?"
Fatass: "You've got the lights off and I was just wondering if you sparkled."

Me: "Nah, but if I do become a vampire, you'll be the first to know."

Yeah, by me ripping your head off. Besides, vampires only sparkle in the daylight, according to the sparklevampverse. Jesus. I don't know which is sadder, the fact that he gave me a blank stare or the fact that I had to sit through that entire godawful movie. K-Star is a fan of the Twilight books, but continues to drag me to the movies because hey, she just needs to see the trainwreck. That's the justification I use to get to sleep at night.

In a random side note, despite the fact that Fatass never uses soap or flip flops, he still has the instinct to do laundry, so it's currently 1am and Fatass is currently flopping his bitchtits all over Generic Residence Hall so that he can wash and dry his clothes. I do not mind this because at least he is out of my room.

But you would think that maybe, just maybe, this would be a glimmer of hope? Well, if I'm blogging about it, you know that's not the case. Despite doing laundry, he still has Bitchface over here every day, and then talks to Bess on the phone while she was in the room. Let me paint the awkward picture for you.

Yup. Cuddled up like they were fucking dating. And you'll notice that Bitchface looks like a turd. It was originally accidental, but I decided that I like it better this way. If either of them thinks that this is going to fly in a couple weeks when finals start rolling around, they've got another thing coming. I don't care if they have to destress or if they need to diddle eachother or what. They won't be in this room, or I will personally see to it that Fatass bombs every single one of his finals. How, you ask? Defenestration. He's kinda big though, so I may need some volunteers. Any takers?